Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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