When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
