I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm always down for nudity.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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