Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
