You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Couch. On fire.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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