Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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