I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
