worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize