when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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