A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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