the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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