i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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