just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
