We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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