last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
