ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize