I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
