dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
