Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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