I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
