Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I want to be your penis for a week.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
