My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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