eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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