Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
