Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize