I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
