I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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