she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize