break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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