I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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