My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
