did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
