You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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