Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
