My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
