some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
