This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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