using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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