I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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