you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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