Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
