He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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