I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize