I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
