just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
