I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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