Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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