he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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