Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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