Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
