dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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