At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
