Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
