so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
