There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
