if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize