u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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