i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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