it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
