We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you win again, gameday.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
