There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
