New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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