so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
