I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
