she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
