Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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