So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
